U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
