You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
i think i just lost a toe
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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