he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
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