you turned your livingroom into a bong?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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