She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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