He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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