So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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