you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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