Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
