So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
