Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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