God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
