East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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