Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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