I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
