i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
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When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
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Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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