she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
literally had 100 drinks last night.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
