Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
