how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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