For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
