Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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