I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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