I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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