I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
