To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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