She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
