I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
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he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
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Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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