I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
