the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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