If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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