You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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