Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
