Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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