i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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