You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
