I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
