What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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