I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
