im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
