The maid of honor just puked.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
