ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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