you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
