if i can run in heels then i can drive
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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