i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
