My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
