I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
