Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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