Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
