I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
