i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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