The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
