ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
