Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
