with your own penis?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
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