So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
