plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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