Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
