My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
