I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
