dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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