never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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