Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
