Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
