Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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