hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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