She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
