your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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