I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
