You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
