Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
