Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I need a beard to bite.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
