I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
