I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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