just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
