There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Im part way to drunk.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
